On Frances’ Birthday

Celebrated at Humanities Department Party,

September 3, 2003

There once was a year 1980

Celebrated from Hanoi to Haiti;

And Frances so fine,

Born on August 29,

Became a Humanities Lady.

A favorite color is something that’s worth

Mentioning to all people on earth,

Frances loves pink,

And the reason, I think,

Is that pink was her color at birth.

Sugar cookies frosted all white

Sprinkled radioactive with granulite

Are her favorite treat

Because they are sweet

Plus they glow in the stomach all night.

Her favorite book is the “Secret Life of Bees”

Which involves pollen on little bees’ knees.

The film she embraces

Is the “Mirror with Two Faces,”

Of which Frances has one, if you please.

Martha Stewart she just adores,

A criminal who thinks she’s Louis Quatorze.

Martha is one jailbait

Who can fashion your tail gate

With mauve and lavender doors.

When it comes to musical tunes

Played with voice or with bassoons,

Frances’ favorite flora and fauna

Include Mozart and Madonna

That is to say, the sounds of trained baboons.

Nietzsche believed in a God who dances,

But under the present circumstances

We believe we must say

A Very Happy Birthday

(After the fact) to our Frances.

Writ by Dick Hacken – 3 September 2003