“Here come da judge, Here come da judge!”

Dick: What brings you to my criminal courtroom today?

John: Two policemen.

Dick: Drunk as usual?

John: Yes, both of them.

Dick: All of your responses today must be oral, okay?

John: Okay.

Dick: What is your name?

John: Oral.

Dick: Now, when the police came up to you, were their blue and red lights flashing?

John: Yes, they were.

Dick: And what did you say as you were escorted into the police car?

John: I looked at the lights and said: “What disco am I at?”

Dick: Is your appearance here this day pursuant to a deposition that I sent to your attorney?

John: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Dick: What is your date of birth?

John: July 15^th

Dick: Which year?

John: Every year.

Dick: And you have three children, correct?

John: Yes, your honor.

Dick: How many are boys?

John: Actually, none of them are boys.

Dick: Do you have any girls?

John: Yes, three.

Dick: Now the location of the alleged burglary was at Milepost 187 on Highway 6. Can you tell me where milepost 187 is?

John: Probably right between mileposts 186 and 188.

Dick: Sir, what is your IQ?

John: Well, I can see pretty well, I think.

Dick: Now, is it true that a picture was taken of you just as you left the house of the alleged burglary?

John: That is correct.

Dick: And were you present when the picture was taken?

John: Yes, your honor, but I was in front of the camera.

Dick: Now the stairs you took to the alleged burglary went up to the second floor, right?

John: That is precisely correct.

Dick: And did those stairs come back down again?

John: Well, for me at least they did.

Dick: And why were you in that location at that time?

John: Well, if it had been a different time, or a different location, chances are good I would not have been there.

Dick: As judge of this court, I find you “not guilty” of burglary.

John: Does that mean I get to keep the stuff?